the mannings come to visit

at this time apologies  go out to  Chris Webb and my father-in-law Big Bill, even though he does not read my blog (i don’t think he is aware that i have one). i really should apologize to colts fans across the nation for the visual that is about to befall them when they read this post.

i hear you asking "why oh why should jen be apologizing to colts fan?"

allow me to elaborate:

early this morning i had a dream that i was taking a bubble bath with peyton manning. 

peyton complimented me on my boobies

he said that his brother would like to touch them. 

i said ok. 

i woke up before eli could get his hands on them

when i finally came out of the delicious fog that was my dream i heard the TV on full blast downstairs. it all made sense, himself must have been watching sportscenter and they must have been talking about the mannings and peyton and eli must have wormed their way into my dream.

turns out he was watching "the incredibles"!!

now i know that chris and big bill THINK that peyton is "incredible" but still……

i’ll give $5 to the first person who can PLEASE tell me what this dream means.  

more football

himself and i watched the giants game last night. you know…the epic battle pitching brother against brother!!  eli and peyton manning. and for the record, while the colts may have the better manning quarterback, the giants definitely have the cuter manning. and really, isn’t that what football is really all about?!?

 

the colts won.

 

the giants apparently thought the game would be improved if they had lots of penalties including the bogus offensive pass interference call against tim carter in the fourth qtr.  we was robbed!!!

 

but the running game was oh so good.  did you see Tiki?!?! woo hoo!

 

at this time i would like to address the preponderance of commercials

 

1) commercials for the all new season on NBC

2) commericals with peyton manning.  every other commercial had peyton. peyton selling phones in a wig and a mustache, peyton selling insurance. peyton and his father and brother making breakfast.  i swear i saw him doing a commercial for ebay!! 

3) commercials for ebay

4) and just commericals in general

 

my favorite thing that NBC did?!?! 

 

when they put up on the screen the words "coming up at half-time bob, cris, stirling and THE BUS".

 

not jerome but "THE BUS"!! 

 

my new favorite player name?   Osi Umenyiora

 

what do we think about Pink singing (aka himself’s new girlfriend) before each game? 

 

himself informed me that there is no more NFL Primtime as ESPN is now hosting Monday Night Football.  I guess I’m ok with that.  just as long as i can still see Tom Jackson’s "JACKED UP"

 

and finally… a moment of silence for my man brett favre.  stirling sharpe, who used to catch passes from Brett, said what everyone was thinking when he commented that he didn’t think Brett would be starting next week.   we shall see.  i hope stirling is wrong.  

 

football

 

How I Know It’s Football Season

A Skit by Jen

 

the date: 9/7/06 (or possibly 9/8/06)

 

the time:  Late, very late or exceedingly early depending on your viewpoint)

 

location: bedroom (and no this is not a kinky sex story!)

 

players:  one sound asleep jen, one wide-awake excited husband

                                                                                                                          

 

enter wide-awake excited husband: "THE STEELERS CAME BACK IN THE FOURTH QUARTER!!"

 

sound asleep jen (stupidly and still half asleep): "urghh, snarf, gurrgle.. does that mean they won?

 

wide-awake excited husband (with great disdain in his voice at the stupid question sound asleep jen asked): "YES"

 

sound asleep jen offers the thumbs-up sign and sinks back into oblivion

 

wide-wake excited husband snatches pillow off bed and goes back downstairs to watch sportscenter

 

SCENE

 

IT’S FOOTBALL SEASON!!!

 

Welcome Back NFL Primetime, oh how I’ve missed you!!

 

points to ponder

september 6 was the one-year anniversary of my blog.  check my archives if you feel that you may have missed something interesting.  

when i initially started my blog it was a way to share the photos of my nieces and nephew with my aunts and cousins who live far away.

it soon developed into a regular, almost daily thing.  mostly it was observances of things that were going on in my life. whether it be the new job i was just starting, the 15-year high school reunion i was planning, the MS symptoms deal with everyday. my husband.  my boobies.  you know….things that are important in life.  

it was so freeing to just let the words roll off my fingers. 

soon my cousins were commenting. 

 as i became more familiar with the blogging world i began to visit other blogs. 

 never commenting.

 just lurking.

 then one day i decided to write about blogs, and listed some of the blogs that i visited regularly. 

this included zwebbyville. you’ve all been to zwebbyville i’m sure. the mayor of zwebbyville, russ, made a state visit to my blog and left a comment.  i was SO excited. 

 then the mayor made mention of me on his site.  the next thing i knew, people were coming by and commenting. 

 this was a turning point in my blog writing. at first i felt as though i needed to write for those few fools who decided to return again and again.

 after a while i realized that writing for an audience was too exhausting. so i went back to writing for the person who is most interested in me – ME!

 i also decided to set a few ground rules for myself. these rules included the following:

 1) i WOULDN’T talk about politics – in my day-to-day life i don’t talk politics so WHY should i write about them

2) i WOULDN’T talk about religion – all you need to know about my religion is that i believe in god and his goodness

3) i WOULD make the occasional reference to the following: 

    a) my boobies – they are real and they are spectacular

    b) my friends and family

    c) my husband 

4) i would never delete a comment. 

 POINT #1:

Re: Item C 

When I started this blog I did make the occasional reference to my husband and simply referred to him as either "my husband" or "Tom". 

 But as the blog progressed, I realized that he was going to play a much more important role in my writings.  After all, he is the only person I see every day, we sleep in the same bed, we take a shower in the same tub (not a the same time though, we AREN’T newlyweds anymore), we decide that i’m too tired and he’s not inclined to cook so we order take-out, he’s the man that I vowed to love, honor and cherish. 

 i also began to realize that just referring to him as "tom" wasn’t cutting it. and i could hardly refer to him as "my husband" all the time.

 he has plenty of names to choose from  - bergie, apeman, tommy (or as his mother and sisters call him "tommeeee").

 but none of these were working for me. 

 i COULD call him "dearest" as that is how i often refer to him when i’m liking him.  i certainly couldn’t call him the unprintable names that come to mind when we are on the outs.

 i started checking out what other bloggers call thier beloveds.  The Hub, Hubby, Husband, My Prince (as far as i can tell he was a boyfriend), Him (which ALWAYS reminds me of Cannonball Run) etc.  

It was after reading a Dick Francis novel, wherein one of the characters was referred to as Himself, did I decide that, I would choose “himself” as a moniker for my tom.  he’s been himself ever since.

 POINT#2:

Let me expand a bit on #4 – if you make your blog public, you are without a doubt inviting the public into whatever parts of your life that you are willing to share. by permitting comments you are also allowing the public to respond to your thoughts.  generally it’s a win-win situation. the visitor reads your blog and you get a great comment.

 it has always been my practice when i go to a blog and read a post i don’t particularly care for, to just not comment.  sometimes there is nothing to comment about or sometimes the post is SO ridiculous or boring that it doesn’t deserve a comment. and i REFUSE to leave a generic…"just stopped by" comment.  you’ve got statistics…you know i’ve been by.

 on the other hand, if something i’ve written stirs up a bit of anger or rancor or indignation and someone comments to that effect, i say more power to them, go right ahead and voice your opinion., it’s a free country.  and rest assured i won’t delete your asinine comment. not even if it’s poorly spelled and nearly incoherent.

  POINT #3: 

Found this in my comments last night:

DaisyHeadMaisey

hi my friend jen i like yore blog thing today but why you alway talk about himself like he a peice of garbage he sound like nice man you shouldnt talk about himself like that he yore husban

September 06 7:52 PM
(http://daisyheadmaisey.spaces.live.com/)

 First instinct was to delete it. Then I recalled the promise I made to myself to never delete a comment. 

 Then the doubts began setting in. Was I REALLY talking about Himself like he was garbage?!?! Because he’s NOT.

 Outrage tookover.  Who IS this nincompoop person who hides behind bad grammar and poor spelling?  And do I really care?

 Which leads me to this….

 POINT #4:

This is MY blog and I can say what I want, so……..

Dear daisyheadmaisey: 

BITE ME 

Jen

among other things

of no great consequence, but i thought you would like to know….

 

On Friday I got a haircut and a brow and lip wax.  The hair cut is SHORT.  Not boy short, but short for me.  I HEART my new haircut.  it’s all wavy and if i haul out the curling iron it can even be curly but enough about the hair!!

 

On Saturday, himself and i had a rare day of hanging out together and doing some shopping for his fantasy football draft party on sunday.

 

he will want me to tell you that his first pick in his draft was tiki barber.

 

saturday night i made salmon.  delicious, tender, chockful of omega-3 fatty acids salmon.  i had nothing but praise for myself over that salmon

 

for those of you who have been longing for a boobie mention…..i got a new bra this weekend.  the old one was in tatters and oh so dingy from constant use.  this new one is a lovely pale pink, with an underwire which at this moment is digging into my flesh. silas the opus dei monk had his cilice, jen, who has a sagging bosom when left unfettered,  has her underwire.  and the boobies look FABULOUS! 

 

sunday evening, whilst himself was finishing up his draft, i watched, free on HBO,  "sideways".  here is what i gleaned from the movie:

 

1) it was a lot about wine

2) paul giamatti-playing a short, neurotic, lying, thieving schlub was strangely appealing

3) my favorite line?  "it’s quaffable"

 

labor day was spent at gma and gpa bergmans for the annual bergman family labor day and birthday and anniversary celebrations.  birthdays include: himself, big bill, gma bergman and sister peahesd (which is himself’s affectionate nickname for his sister) and if you must  know WHY she is called "peahead" go and ask her at www.chrisandjenny.us. a terminable game of bocce ball was played in which my team lost by ½" the bergmans take any and all sporting events VERY seriously. ice cream cake was consumed and presents were unwrapped and even though sister peahead could not be there in person we know she was there in spirit.  

 

bee-boo

this morning, i had my weekly sexy dream about a guy i knew in high-school.  seriously, i dream about this guy at LEAST once a week. i don’t know how to stop it and quite frankly i enjoy it.  and NO sanna, i am not about to divulge who he is.  it is TOO embarassing.

 

incorporated into the dream in a manner that would take too long to explain was this sound……

 

bee-boo, bee-boo, bee-boo, bee-boo

 

(long pause)

 

bee-boo, bee-boo, bee-boo, bee-boo

 

(long pause)

 

bee-boo, bee-boo, bee-boo, bee-boo

 

(long pause)

 

this went on for what seems like hours in my dream. 

 

this annoying sound acutally drew me out of my lovely sexy dream into semi-wakefulness.

 

Te BEE-BOO noise was still going on!! it was coming from somewhere in my house!.

 

in my sleep fogged state, i stumbled out of bed and mentally tried to determine which of our  various appliances would make this

hideous sound.

 

was it my alarm clock having fits? 

 

was it alicia’s (who was spending the night) cell phone? 

 

was it the computer, which had just returned from a spa day having it’s innards cleaned at Peggnet LLC? 

 

was it the new dehumidifer we JUST bought, gagging on all of the water it was extracting from my damp house?

 

And YES….this really was how I was thinking as i rolled out of bed.

 

in the meantime….bee-boo, bee-boo, bee-boo, bee-boo, bee-boo

 

the sound was getting louder as i moved to the head of the stairs.

 

"What the FUCK is that noise?" I bellowed as I lurched down the stairs, "it was in my dreams and it WOKE ME UP!"

 

And there on the couch, playing Vice City on Playstation2, was himself.

 

"It was an ambulance in my game," he informed me very matter of factly. 

 

"Well, TURN IT DOWN" I snarled as I shuffled into the bathroom.

 

As I was heading back to bed, i passed by the sofa where himself was back to playing the game.    his eyes glued to the TV screen and his fingers fully engaged on the controls, he can’t resist throwing an accusation over his shoulder in my general direction.

 

"Thanks to you, I died"

 

I, who does NOT do mornings well, stomped up the stairs muttering to myself, "No fool, thanks to ME you are still ALIVE!" And tumbled back into bed for 15 more minutes of sleep until my ALARM woke me.

 

And the sexy dream?  The sexy dream was gone.  But never fear, it will return, better than ever.

gas

it’s monday.   in the northeast it is a dreary monday. 

 

but what has made my dreary monday a little rosy was the low price at the gas station. 

 

today i paid $2.67 a gallon. 

 

cash only. 

 

from the russians at the delta gas station. 

 

can anybody beat that?!?!

 

and does anybody know "thank you" in russian?

 

i watched the emmy’s last night and i was BORED STIFF. conan o’brien was the saving grace.  i could watch him forever.

 

and now i’ve got to get back to work!!

 

 

wildlife

i am back in NJ and working on a recap of my week’s vacation.

 

in the meanwhile, chew on this:

 

last night as i went out into the kitchen, i startled what i THOUGHT was one of our cats eating a late night snack.

 

the "cat" turned tail and fled before i was fully in the room.

 

"hmmmm" says I, "that cat really moved in a hurry".

 

i went over to the kitchen door and there, peering wistfully at me through the cat door, (also known as the rip in the screen door) was a friendly raccoon

 

i slammed shut the door and turned to the food dish.  he had entered the house uninvited and had scarfed down the WHOLE bowl of iams cat food!!

 

OH and before i forget, himself announced yesterday morning that he had discovered a snake trapped in a bucket down in the basement.

 

a SNAKE!

 

TRAPPED IN A BUCKET!!

 

IN THE HOUSE!!!

 

A SNAKE TRAPPED IN A BUCKET IN THE HOUSE!!!!

 

i am shuddering just writing this.

 

AND this morning, i was attacked by a large, winged thing as i left the house.  a bug of some sort.  blechhhh

 

ALSO…right before i left for vacation our intrepid cat althea, triumphantly entered the house and announced to all and sundry that SHE had captured a bird and ptui….here it is.  and thusly deposited the limp, lifeless form of a wee sparrow on the living room floor.  i tenderly wrapped it up in a paper towel and left in on the deck for himself to discard when he got home. 

 

and finally…this afternoon, as i was gazing pensively out my office window i saw the BIGGEST red headed woodpecker i have ever seen. his bright head gleaming in the afternoon sun and his beak looking positively lethal.  it was truly a sight to behold.  and oddly enough, not a squirrel in sight.  i wonder if he chased them all away. there is one squirrel in particular who likes to come up to my window and check to make sure i’m doing my job.

 

so tell me, what wildlife encounters have YOU had lately?!?

vacation!!

I, my dear friends, am off to Vermont for a week of aunt duty with my sister and her kids.

 

story books will be read, games played, diapers changed.  a good time will be had by all!!

 

I leave you this to entertain you until my return. 

 

natter natter

right…..today was a new day and MSN still sucks.   just wanted to get that out of the way right off the bat.

 

on to more important things

 

i saw miami vice on monday.  it started out slow.  i actually dozed off for part of it.  but this is what i managed to glean from the movie:

 

1) It was about drugs

2) It was basically an expanded version of the miami vice series episode "smugglers blues"

3) Colin Farrell is strangely appealing, even with his redneck hair and mustache.

4) Jaime Foxx has an ass that looks like two scoops of dark chocolately goodness

5) Apparently, if you are an undercover drug smuggler, it’s fairly easy to get in and out of Havana

 

What was missing from the movie? The easy cameraderie between Crockett and Tubbs, the sunshine and light that is Miami, this movie was dark, literally, many scenes were played out in the dark and finally Jan Hammer.  I waited in vain for the signature theme song from Miami Vice.

 

This morning, as usual, I woke  to ESPN.  And this is what I heard:   Last night Mike Piazza came back to Shea Stadium for the first time since leaving to join the Padres.  He got a standing ovation.  When I commented to Himself how truly impressive that standing ovation was considering how rude and unforgiving New York fans can be, he was quick to point out that it is YANKEE fans who are rude and uncouth.  METS fans have class! 

 

I got ‘Lawrence of Arabia’ as the next my movie in my Netflix queue.  So far this movie has been mostly great shots of the desert.  I don’t understand the actors and what I understand of the plot is that Lawrence is trying to get to warring Arab tribes led by Omar Sharif and Anthony Quinn to band together and fight against the Turks. It’s almost 4 hours long.  I don’t think I can finish it. 

 

I finished the book ‘Empire Falls’ on Sunday.  It was one of those books, that you are completely immersed in it whilst reading and then when you’ve finished, you ask yourself, what did I just read?

 

I went to the dollar store on saturday and purchased the whole family of caramelly goodness known respectively as Sugar Daddies (caramel on a stick), Sugar Mamas (caramel wrapped in a paper twist) and Sugar Babies (caramel wrapped in chocolate)  Oh Yeah!!

 

I feel as though my psychic energy has been depleted the past couple of days.  I’ve been reading some new blogs and rediscovering old ones.  As always I amazed at the amount of talented, educated, fascinating, funny as hell  people out there.  But then I will read a blog that infuriates me so much I want to fire off a scorching comment that would effectively end that person from EVER typing another word.  I mean seriously…..there are some stupid ass people out there. 

 

So I want you all to solemnly swear that should I EVER write a blog that is TOO introspective or whiny or boring or is a blatant attempt for sympathy to PLEASE call me on it!  I don’t WANT you to know my innermost thoughts, whining is not in my nature, nothing is boring while there are people in this world and I don’t NEED your sympathy.  Unless of course, said blog is prefaced by a note warning readers that this blog will be introspective, whiny, boring or a play for your sympathy.

 

Now let’s shake on it!!!

 

(and is "solemnly" spelled right?!  THIS is while we need spell check)