...two weeks from everywhere

don’t forget me when i gone

nejyerf — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 17:33:39 +0000

it’s been well over a week since i’ve gone to the dark side and i must say…i’m enjoying it immensely.

i haven’t even scratched the surface of things that can be done at blogger. i’ve just been reveling in the freedom (and the spell check feature – HELLO!!!!)

and might i suggest that you try it too?!?!

i think you’d like it.

COME UP AND SEE ME SOMETIME!!!

i’m done

nejyerf — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 11:38:32 +0000

i’m outta here…..

too much drama…..

moving to blogger….

come see me HERE

"How will I survive without a comment from Jen?" you ask. never fear…. you’ll still be in my newsgator feeder and i’ll still be able to comment and your day will become that much brighter!!

three

nejyerf — Fri, 29 Sep 2006 14:34:39 +0000

THREE NAMES THAT YOU GO BY:

1. Jen

2. Big Jen Bergman (himself’s choice)

3. Gretchen Lardbottom (my father named me that when I was just a little girl)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD, INCLUDING THE ONE YOU NOW HAVE:

1. nejyerf

2. twberg

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. My freckled arms

2. My circle of friends

3. The obvious fact that I’m soooo much better than you (you DO know I’m joking!?!?!)

THREE THINGS YOU HATE/DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. My utter ineptitude at making correct change

2. I accept defeat too easily

3. My almost pathological tendency to be late

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:

English, Scottish, Peruvian

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:

1. Snakes

2. Turkeys – when they fix their beady eyes on you……

3. Not knowing when to say when

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

1. Qtips

2. Dove soap

3. Good-bye kiss from himself

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW: (I’m the pinnacle of style)

1. Flannel nightie ( i started this last night)

2. Glasses

3. socks

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS: (OR SINGERS) – depending on my mood….

1. Prodigy

2. Fleetwood Mac

3. Right now I’m listening to Bette Midler sing the Rosemary Clooney Songbook

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:

1. Make curtains

2. Learn to make candy

3. Take candy I’ve learned to make and go to Farmer’s Market

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:

1. With my husband -Lots of Laughter

2. With my boss – a little monetary recognition

3. With my scale – a slightly smaller number

TWO LIES AND A TRUTH

1. The grass is always greener

2. Tomorrow will be a better day

3. You reap what you sow

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:

1. Hairy chest – I like a MANLY man

2. Hands – calloused, work-hardened hands

3. Legs – well shaped (can he rock a skirt?)

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T DO:

1. Wolf whistle

2. Turn a cartwheel

3. Fully comprehend the concept of time travel

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:

1. Reading

2. Planning parties

3. Contemplating my navel

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:

1. Eat a glazed donut

2. Punch my boss right in the nose

3. Go pee….but I want to finish this blasted thing first!!

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING:

1. Toast of Broadway

2. Scion of Society

3. Bane Of Your Existence

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:

1. Prince Edward Island (with sanna, before we’re 80!)

2. Canton, OH (with Himself)

3. England

THREE TRUE LOVES:

1. Double Stuff Oreo Cookies

2. Himself

3. Pork chops and appleschauce

THREE FAVORITE ANIMALS:

1. I only like my cats

THREE REASONS WHY YOU’RE DOING THIS:

1. Beth asked me to (and I must do EVERYTHING Beth tells me to do!)

2. I’m just a girl who can’t say "no"

3. I needed a filler – already did the boobie blog this month!

THREE PEOPLE WHO MUST TAKE THIS QUIZ (You’ve gotta tag two or three others.)

1. Do it ONLY if you want to.

condiment

nejyerf — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 15:18:21 +0000

yesterday this epiphany came to me as i was eating lunch….

if i were a condiment i would be :

1) smooth and creamy – as am i thanks to daily washings with dove soap

2) tangy with a definite bite to it – please witness my biting wit and scathing sarcasm

3) goes great with beef – as do I

4) and it clears sinuses

Thus…..

Jen = horseradish sauce

what condiment are you?

how i know it’s fall

nejyerf — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 13:30:18 +0000

PLONK

PLINK

PLONK

PLONKITY, PLONKITY, PLINKITY, PLONK

PLINK

PLONK

acorns falling from the venerable oak tree

onto my car

5:30am in the morning

that’s right….i’m a tough girl….still sleeping with the windows open!

one for the search engines

nejyerf — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 14:11:06 +0000

the first thing i do when i get home from a long day at work, is to remove constricting clothing.

the second thing i do when i get home from long day at work is to eat something sweet.

yesterday’s choice of clothing removal was the underwire bra, accompanied by the requisite prayer of relief.

*quick note* years ago, himself pointed out to me that when i take off my bra i invariably say "thank you, jesus".

after removing ALL restrictive clothing, including but not limited to the underwire bra, punishing pantyhose and one size too small black skirt (that fit just fine LAST fall), i pulled on a lovely loose fitting nightie and headed for the sweet.

the sweet for the day was a pack of little debbie swiss rolls.

i inhaled the two (entirely TOO small) swiss rolls, chased it with a glass of milk and and hit the couch to watch gosford park. whereupon i fell asleep for two hours.

what i gleaned from gosford park:

1) it was British

2) the actors accents were unintelligible especially the scottish ones so i might have missed salient points of the movie

3) at weekends in the country house shooting grouse, an englishman is NEVER served breakfast. it’s all done buffet style

when i awoke i restarted the movie, finished it in the wee smas and headed for bed.

this morning when i got undressed for my shower, i noticed a huge dark mark on my right boobie. without my contacts it looked like an deep dark bruise. what had happened?!? did i beat myself up during my sleep? did himself fling out a fist in his sleep?

this mark bore further, closer scrutiny. i put on my glasses and looked down.

it was a strip of the chocolate.

from the swiss roll.

that i had inhaled last night.

pasted to my boobie.

why am i telling you this?

because i think all mondays should start with a good " boobie covered in little debbie swiss roll" story (that’s for the search engines!)

packing away

nejyerf — Fri, 22 Sep 2006 11:43:59 +0000

it’s time to say goodby to the summer wardrobe.

so i’m packing you away, my bright yellow and orange plaid pants with the coordinating yellow top, good-bye red bandana print skirt with the flirty ruffle that i only wore once but promise to wear again next year. so long, all four of you hardworking white t-shirts, v-neck, rounded neck,

ballerina neck and just plain neck. later dude to the blue pants with the island theme and the trees that look like giant pot plants. farewell, my faithful summer nighties in cotton and jersey.

parting is such sweet sorrow. we will meet again next year.

WELCOME oh muted shades of fall and winter. Oh tans and browns and grays, how i have missed you. so good to see you, my lovely long sleeved, button down shirts that i need to iron before every wear. keep me warm, all you sweaters and turtlenecks. join the party, my calf length skirts, so that i don’t have to shave my legs again until we next see the spring grass. and calling all flannel nighties and pj’s to keep me toasty warm on a cold night.

i can’t wait to shake out your wrinkles and hang you up in my closet. we need to spruce you up a bit. and if it turns out that you’ve been a good winter wardrobe and still fit me, we might be able to squeeze out a few new accessories.

we’ve much to do.

Hello world!

nejyerf — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 16:06:52 +0000

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

a question for the ages….

nejyerf — Wed, 20 Sep 2006 19:49:48 +0000

do you poop in public?

and by public i don’t mean for a paying audience but rather in a public bathroom.

this was a topic of discussion in our office last week.

below is how this question came about:

last week, while in the frozen food section of the local shop-rite grocery store, i felt the over-whelming urge to poop. i have learned in life, that when i receive the call to poop, i should answer said call post-haste.

i abandoned himself (who was shopping with me) and the cart and went in search of the bathroom.

With butt-cheeks tightly clenched, i pushed my way through the double doors into the dingy stock-room.

Following the mostly obscured "REST ROOM this way" signs, I wended my way past boxes and boxes of stock, deeper into, if you’ll pardon the expression, the bowels of the store.

I had yet to meet an employee who might have done a "halt who goes there"

Ascending a steep stair-way into the employees breakroom I at last spied the bathroom.

Moving at near breakneck speed, I headed for the bathroom and blessed relief.

Upon opening the door, I was met with this sign (and I paraphrase) ‘ANYONE CAUGHT WRITING ON THESE WALL WILL BE TERMINATED IMMEDIATELY".

After taking care of business and feeling pounds lighter, I located himself in the bread aisle and we finished the shopping at a leisurely pace. I would like to mention that he did not seem in the least bit concerned that I had left him so abruptly. He has become quite used to my quick departures.

While we were checking out I was explaining to him my marvelment at the severity of punishment for the writing on the bathroom walls by employess in shop-rite.

It seemed a little extreme to me.

Plus…exactly HOW would a person get caught writing on the walls? Unless they were caught pen-in-hand it would be hard to prove. Do they do regular sight inspections after each person leaves? Do they have hidden cameras? By the way, when I was in there reading that note, I was seriously contemplating writing "for a good time call jen at 555-1234" just to see what would happen. would lights start flashing, alarms go off! the appy guys coming out with their hard hats and meat cleavers to take me away?

Himself did not seem inclined to pursue this line of thought. He was more concerned about keeping all the squishable items at the end of the conveyer belt, to be loaded into the cart last.

The next day, I took this tale of the no writing on the wall to work and shared it with Diana, my fellow co-worker. She listened with cursory interest to my amazement of the sign.

But what impressed her more was the fact that I pooped in public.

Turns out, Diana does not, nay CANNOT poop in a public bathroom, and apparently she is not the only one.

I took this debate on the road to my other job and talked to some of the girls there. they too are shy about pooping in public.

it would seem that most women need a quiet, personal, intimate space to poop.

but why?

because it’s not "feminine" to grex and groan and stink up a bathroom?

EVERYBODY POOPS!

it’s human nature.

and as i’ve learned from my sister and her three children…pooping is how you can tell if your baby is healthy. nice, rounded lumps, like clay…good. runny and yellow….bad

when pressed on how i can poop in public, my response can only be "when i gotta go, i GOTTA go"

so tell me….do YOU poop in public?

questions

nejyerf — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 13:15:42 +0000

9:15am: is it considered bad form to honk at the annoying person driving in front of you at 40 mph in a 45 zone, RIDING THEIR BRAKES?!?!?