a question for the ages….

do you poop in public?

 

and by public i don’t mean for a paying audience but rather in a public bathroom.

 

this was a topic of discussion in our office last week.

 

 

below is how this question came about:

 

 

last week, while in the frozen food section of the local shop-rite grocery store, i felt the over-whelming urge to poop.  i have learned in life, that when i receive the call to poop, i should answer said call post-haste.

 

i abandoned himself (who was shopping with me) and the cart and went in search of the bathroom. 

 

With butt-cheeks tightly clenched, i pushed my way through the double doors into the dingy stock-room. 

 

Following the mostly obscured "REST ROOM this way" signs, I wended my way past boxes and boxes of stock, deeper into, if you’ll pardon the expression, the bowels of the store.

 

I had yet to meet an employee who might have done a "halt who goes there"

 

Ascending a steep stair-way into the employees breakroom I at last spied the bathroom.

 

Moving at near breakneck speed, I headed for the bathroom and blessed relief.

 

Upon opening the door, I was met with this sign (and I paraphrase) ‘ANYONE CAUGHT WRITING ON THESE WALL WILL BE TERMINATED IMMEDIATELY".

 

After taking care of business and  feeling pounds lighter, I located himself in the bread aisle and we finished the shopping at a leisurely pace.   I would like to mention that he did not seem in the least bit concerned that I had left him so abruptly.  He has become quite used to my quick departures.

 

While we were checking out I was explaining to him my marvelment at the severity of punishment for the writing on the bathroom walls by employess in shop-rite.   

 

It seemed a little extreme to me. 

 

Plus…exactly HOW would a person get caught writing on the walls?  Unless they were caught pen-in-hand it would be hard to prove.  Do they do regular sight inspections after each person leaves?  Do they have hidden cameras? By the way, when I was in there reading that note, I was seriously contemplating writing "for a good time call jen at 555-1234" just to see what would happen.  would lights start flashing, alarms go off!  the appy guys coming out with their hard hats and meat cleavers to take me away?

 

Himself did not seem inclined to pursue this line of thought.  He was more concerned about keeping all the squishable items at the end of the conveyer belt, to be loaded into the cart last.

 

The next day, I took this tale of the no writing on the wall to work and shared it with Diana, my fellow co-worker.  She listened with cursory interest to my amazement of the sign. 

 

But what impressed her more was the fact that I pooped in public. 

 

Turns out, Diana does not, nay CANNOT poop in a public bathroom, and apparently she is not the only one. 

 

I took this debate on the road to my other job and talked to some of the girls there.  they too are shy about pooping in public.

 

it would seem that most women need a quiet, personal, intimate space to poop. 

 

but why? 

 

because it’s not "feminine" to grex and groan and stink up a bathroom? 

 

EVERYBODY POOPS!

 

it’s human nature.

 

and as i’ve learned from my sister and her three children…pooping is how you can tell if your baby is healthy.  nice, rounded lumps, like clay…good.  runny and yellow….bad

 

when pressed on how i can poop in public, my response can only be "when i gotta go, i GOTTA go" 

 

so tell me….do YOU poop in public?

 

 

 

 

 

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